Sean Kingston Wants You To Pester Him Constantly, Forever, Until He Eventually Snaps

Hey! Are you a big fan of Sean Kingston? Well, when you’ve finished taking a long, hard look at your depressing self and come to the realisation you don’t deserve the glorious ears bestowed upon your tasteless skull, there’s some news that may interest you!

Mr Sean Kingston of Popsville would like you, his clearly troubled fans, to pester him more.

That’s right! He’s requesting that, should you see him walkin’ down the street (we could turn this into a joke, playing off a lyric from a famous song, but you twunts wouldn’t get it because you spend all your time listening to Sean Kingston and other tween dross), you should totally stop him for a nice chat.

Kingston, when he’s not careering into concrete bridges face-first, wants you to stop him when he’s going about his business and ask him for an autograph.

In return, he’ll thank you for your devotion.

That includes instances such as funerals, sexual health check-ups and having a poo. He doesn’t mind. Stop him and talk at him.

You may even want to get into his private property and tell him how much you love him. He doesn’t mind! He’s more worried that you’ll be too self-conscious to pally up with him.

He says:

“Humbleness is the most beautiful thing and I just want my fans to know that I’m humble and I love all of u guys!! Anytime yall meet me in… person… Airport, shows, mall etc… Don’t be afraid or shy to come up to me and ask for pics or an autograph cause you all made me…”

Eventually, he’ll snap and get one of his security to mangle your limbs, but until then, enjoy the Sean Kingston ride of a lifetime!

Source: Hecklerspray Justin Bieber

Sean Kingston Wants Jet Ski Death

Sean Kingston and concrete bridges don’t mix. If you haven’t bothered to remember, Kingston crashed his skull into the side of a Miami bridge while on a jet ski. The bridge won. And how. It left Kingston on a life glug in hospital and everyone started praying for him to some false god.

However, Seany is keen to get back onto one of these water-based motorbike things, presumably in an attempt to completely crack his skull intwo this time.

What a cad.

As if beautiful girls didn’t make him suicidal enough, it appears that our man wants to get on the water as soon as he can, thrashing ’round the tides or whatever it is you do on a jet ski.

See, he’s now pretty much recovered from it all, save for a dead stare and harrowing nightmares which plague him, leaving him screaming in a sodden bed.

But he won’t be giving up on his love for jet-skiing. Nosireebob.

Talking to Ryan Seacrest (the secret ruler of America) he says:

“I’m gonna go on another jet-ski… I was new to the area; I had just moved to the island and I didn’t know about the tides, I didn’t know about anything like that. It happened to me because I chose to ride around in that area, but there’s so much water that I could have chosen to ride around on.”

That’s right Sean. It is much better to stick to water, as opposed to ‘water with great lumps of concrete sticking out of it which you may crash into and die’.

He’s insisting that he’s going to get back on one of these things soon, and thanks to his lack of judgement and his willingness to speak about it, he’s given writers the world over the heads-up to write his obituary article in advance to save them from doing any work at some point in the future.

Whaddaguy.

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Source: Hecklerspray Justin Bieber

Sean Kingston Fined For Injuring Miami Bridge With His Stupid Head

We told you that God Almighty wanted to punish Sean Kingston and so, caused the ‘accident’ on his jet ski which saw him trying to crack a Miami bridge open with his head. You didn’t believe us, but it was true.

Well, the punishment isn’t over for the rubbish singer.

As well as angering God, Kingston has also angered godfearing Miami officials who want to let the omnipotent deity know that, if they have to choose sides, then they’d rather go to heaven than listen to tepid pop-RnB.

Sean has been cited for “careless operation” and fined a whopping $180 (£112) for bullying a concrete Miami bridge with his skull.

Officials have blamed the R&B star’s “inexperience” and “inattention” for the near-fatal accident in Florida. This is all according to a newly-released police report which was compiled under the watchful guidance of God Himself.

TMZ, even the hears-chasers, have even managed to get hold of photographs from the incident which, unbelievably, shows Kingston’s arm and chin imprints on the cement wall.

We’re not even slightly making this up. Look.

Anyway, it has been suggested that Our Lord God made Sean lose control of his watercraft and made him career into the side of a massive, unmissable bridge.

And now, authorities have slapped him with a fine and cited him for “careless operation in an accident”.

Kingston puked blood and had three life-saving surgeries, which is kinda funny.

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Source: Hecklerspray Justin Bieber