Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez have gone and got their tiny selves engaged for Valentine’s Day! Selena was spotted out and about with an expensive diamond ring on, bought by the pint-sized superstar.
Allegedly of course.
The ring itself featured the letter ‘J’ in precious stones, which is obviously a J for Justin, which is not only a constant reminder for Selena of who her boyfriend is, but also, like a farmer branding a cow so everyone knows who it belongs to.
Of course, it is worth pointing out that the ring itself wasn’t placed on the engagement finger, but we fully suspect that this is a ploy to stop JB’s obsessive fans from sending a fresh batch of death threats to Gomez.
If Bieber went and got himself married, half the world’s teenagers would scream the skin off their thin little bodies.
All this makes us marvel at how quickly Master Bieber is growning up these days. He’s sold a million records, got engaged, allegedly father a baby while tuckling a groupie backstage and, most impressive of all, he’s seen a picture of some pubic hair.
His turn next.
Either way, this ring-buying business is not going to go down well with the world’s most obsessively deranged fans. We suspect Bieber’s home will now be swarming with zombied Beliebers, all clambering over each others bodies to scale the perimeter fence like ants.
Someone, sadly, is going to die because of all this.
Just wait ’til everyone finds out that they’re getting hitched because Justin has got Selena pregnant (no condom because ‘he wanted to feel everything’) and this is the world’s poshest shotgun wedding!
Start taking bets on baby names now.
Source: Hecklerspray Justin Bieber
